Some moralistic issues I have
Last month, we discovered that I have some issues that really really bug me and I go berserk over them.
- Losing Trust
- Letting someone down
Whenever someone tells me, “I’m losing my trust in you.” “I can’t believe you anymore.” “You’re a liar, I don’t believe you, I don’t trust you.” That just really really gets to me. I have this mindset that tells me to be friendly with everyone and nice to everyone. Now I know that I’m not nice to everyone, but I’m not super super mean to that person either. So that must mean I did something bad to make them lose trust, to lose me as a good friend. My parents have said it to me too. It’s usually because I lie and then they know I’m lying because they freaking look through my stuff and pillage my room…but it still makes me feel bad when they catch me. Odd huh. And then I can’t lie or tell the truth because they won’t believe me at all. It’s like in those movies where the antagonist is betrayed by his best friend and yells, “I TRUSTED YOU!” kinda moments…it’s a really…really crushing thing
The same with letting someone down. It means they were expectant of me, and that they were hoping something would come out of me, but I didn’t reach it. Now of course, if the standard was really really high, of course I wouldn’t mind because, hey, how would I be able to reach it? But if it was something that I could of done, then I get guilty because then next time they don’t expect much from me. That’s why whenever Laging yells at me for not doing something right, that means I’m doing something which I usually do and thus I’m not trying as hard or I’m forgetting. Even if someone tells me, “Oh it’s fine.” it’s not fine. It may be fine to them, but it’s never fine to me, because I failed at my duty, at what I can do.
It just means I have to work harder for the next opportunity to rise up.
Next time I will catch it. I guarantee it.
Hmm…unfortunately I had to write this sporadically, so my ideas are all around the place…but this is mostly how it is?
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